Captain’s Log: After the first date, I had agreed to make some tentative plan for Friday night with the Nerd. I made this commitment when I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but as the week progressed, I was starting to lose hope.
First he told me that he was cleaning his computer. I thought well I actually need to do that too–my local saved files on my work computer are a mess. Then he sent me a picture of computer parts and I realized he meant he was taking it apart and cleaning the inside…. He proceeded to tell me how nostalgic it was to look at when he added certain parts…. Several hours later I got a picture of it put back together…
At any rate, by the end of the week, I started to dread the tentative date and I lost hope that he had just been nervous. I figured I had to eat dinner on Friday anyways, so I kept the date.
I showed up for the date and he repeated several times that he had never been to this restaurant. I assured him that it was good and we proceeded to order drinks and food. He was annoyed that they didn’t have the alcohol percentage on the beer list because he usually picks a beer with the highest alcohol percentage….He also wanted a salad to come with the meal and it didn’t… Though note you could most certainly have ordered one with your meal….
So we’re talking… Well, to be more accurate, mainly he’s talking. He starts taking about his childhood dogs–they were brother and sister. A man talking about beloved animals should be an endearing topic for a date. But when that man decides to lead with how said animals died, it is in fact a horrific dinner conversation.
He was walking the girl dog one day when she ran into the road. He wasn’t fast enough to react and, in his words: “She collided with a car. The owner of the car felt terrible and I guess I blamed myself, but within 30 – 45 seconds… She was…you know… dead.”
The boy dog died of old age (You can imagine that while the preceding sentence is all that needs to be said on the topic, the story went on for a bit and ended with “and one night he went to sleep and he was asleep forever….” What a poet!).
Aside from the sheer oddity of the conversation, it became obvious that he wasn’t capable of listening to anything I said. He said he couldn’t imagine being a lawyer because he doesn’t like reading End User License Agreements. I said well no one really reads those and that my job isn’t anything like reading a license. But he clearly just wanted to talk about End User License Agreements and his attempts to read them because that was the next 10 minutes of conversation. At least I think so, I was enjoying my pork chop and not really listening–didn’t seem important to either of us at this point.
We split the check and left. I tried to fend off advances. I kept moving away and gave him a quick peck instead of the make out session he cLeary wanted when he insisted on walking me to my car. I had hoped that he got the message, but suspected that he didn’t.
The suspicion was confirmed about an hour later by text:
Hey [30withCats], just got home thanks again for helping with the restaurant, tonight was a nice relaxing dinner date, you looked really nice and I really enjoyed spending it with you 🙂
Ugh. I refuse to ghost him because that’s not how I will behave, but I was not looking forward to sending my response.
Hey [Nerd], thanks for coming all the way out my way for dinner. I think you’re super nice and a great guy, but I don’t think we’re a great match. I just don’t want to waste your time. Thanks again and take care!
Phew. Glad that is over. Enjoying my glass of wine, watching some TV, thinking about the phone conversation I had with guy who is going to be Him #2 on the way home. End of captain’s log.
Not so fast. Turns out, somewhat predictably, that he doesn’t have the dignity to say thank you for telling me and save honest reactions for his friends:
What? Really? I don’t understand I thought everything was going great, you’ve totally lost me here.
I won’t argue with you, but I felt pretty strongly that we were destined to have a long relationship together, especially after our first date, can you elaborate I’d really like to know more, why you don’t think we’re a match. All of our conversations lead me to believe the contrary. [emphasis added]
At this point, I realize I don’t owe him an explanation, but I did want to make it clear that I am serious and I don’t want these messages anymore:
I’m sorry to have led you on, but I don’t think we have much in common and I’m not feeling much chemistry. Sometimes these things just don’t work out, but good luck on your journey.
That last bit is actually a line I’ve borrowed from my hairdresser. She told me that she would always say that to dates she wasn’t interested in. It seemed appropriate here. I quickly received the following:
Man what a let down, you were one of the most fun dates I’ve ever had where I could just be myself, what a bummer, okay, good luck
I do hope he find the right match, but I suspect he may need to look in a galaxy far, far away.