My favorite dating website uses a series of questions in order to determine the projected compatibility that you may have with your matches. The majority of the questions are what you’d expect (think: Do you want to live with someone before getting married? Do you want kids? Do you have pets? Do you want to wait to have sex until after marriage? Etc.), but then there are the ones that fall into the following categories:
- Oddly specific situational questions;
- Questions that make you ponder whether humanity deserves to continue; and
- Questions, my personal answers to which, make you ponder whether I belong in polite society.
We’ll handle each in turn, but let’s pause for a brief explanation.
First, you answer questions and rank how important they are to you. You can also select what you’d prefer the other person to say. This may seem odd, but think of this question: “Do you prefer to date someone taller than you?” I would answer “Yes” as my answer, but I’d prefer that my date would answer “No” so that we’d match in our height preferences. The questions are all multiple choice so you have to select from the answers provided, which are at times pretty absurd. However, your answers are then public for the users of the site and you can provide a narrative explanation of your answer if you so choose.
Personally, I love the questions. I enjoy seeing people’s explanations and it can be a good screening tool (oh you would give up your right to vote before your right to bear arms…. Don’t think we’d get along so well). I also like talking about the crazy questions as an ice breaker on the first date.
The questions themselves are submitted by users. I went on a date with a guy who said he went on a date with a girl who said (so the information has to be accurate, obvi) she was chosen as a question moderator so she would be part of a pool of users who read and approve the questions. Keep that in mind as we explore….
Do dinosaurs exist?
While I recognize that there are people who wrongfully believe that people and dinosaurs coexisted (and they vacation here), are there people who believe that dinosaurs have NEVER existed?? I just googled it and, yes, yes there are. I have a new favorite website.
Do trees have souls?
What kind of desk would you choose? Options: Conventional, Artistic, or Heirloom.
You are in an art museum when a blind man deliberately starts a fire. He becomes separated from his guide dog and they are both wandering among the flames lost and confused. You face this decision: Save the dog, save the arsonist, save the artwork, or save yourself.
I feel like the last one had to have been suggested by a law student who has an undergrad degree in philosophy. All I know for sure is that I would not want to go on a date with the person who asks this kind of question. Is that an acceptable answer?
ODDLY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS
For pretty much all of these types of questions, I imagine someone going on a 30withcats worthy date and immediately returning to their computer in a huff, proclaiming “I SHALL NEVER GO ON A DATE WITH A _______ AGAIN! I must create a screening question!!!”
Would you object to someone bringing a young child along on a first date?
If your significant other turned down sex in favor of a video game, after you have already had sex three times that day, would you be offended?
Is it ok for a female to get pregnant and then dump the biological father, intentionally using him to have a child?
Suppose a user account vanishes, but this person has told you where he/she works so you decide to show up there and find the person. Is that creepy?
How much petting of your arm can I do on our first date? Options: Just one hand; when you pull away, two hands is acceptable; ALL THE PETTING.
Ok you got me. That last one isn’t true. But only because I cant’ figure out how to submit it.
For me, these break down into two main categories: sexual and non-sexual. Now, I, 30withCats, am not exactly a “freak in the bed” as one lovely manfolk once said, but I’m not a huge prude and not all sexual questions are offensive, but let me present to you the following:
Could you have respect for someone after having sex with them on t he first meeting/date? Options: Yes; No; Maybe, depending on the circumstances.
Do you have rape fantasies?
And the one I find most offensive:
“No means no.” Options:
Always, period [This is the only correct answer]
Mostly, occasionally it’s really a Yes in disguise
A No is just a yes that needs a little convincing
Never, they all want me, they just don’t know it.
This one makes me mad and should make you mad, too. I have to watch the following to calm down:
You can’t stay mad when listening to anything said in a British accent. Let’s move on to the non-sexual offensive questions:
Would you consider dating someone who was regularly seeing a therapist?
If you were in a long term relationship and you partner gained weight due to something like surgery recovery or childbirth would you think less of them as a person?
Then there are questions that may not be very offensive on their face, but the website offers only offensive answer choices:
Do you get depressed much? Options: Almost never, I’m happy!
Sometimes when it’s a bad day
Yeah, despair is my life
The options piss me off due to the fundamental lack of understanding about what it means to be depressed. When you have a bad day and are bummed, you are not experiencing depression. Plenty of us feel happy while dealing with other symptoms of depression and I don’t know anyone with depression who would simplify the condition as “despair is my life.” Where is: “Yes. From time to time, but I actively manage my serious medical condition.” Where is the question: How often do you break your arm? Options: Almost never because I’m better than you; sometimes when I lift too many weights at the gym; and I break my arm like all the time and I just let it flap around broken. You don’t see that question because it’s absurd, but it is no less absurd than the question you do see about depression. Ok, ok… I’ll stop the ranting.
QUESTIONS THAT MAKE YOU PONDER HUMANITY
Are you sexually attracted to inanimate objects?
Would you ever sleep with a serial killer?
What makes for a better date? Options: Coffee and chitchat or Drinks and groping.
Serious relationships? Options: Great! Or Feel like jail.
The last two questions really only have two options. It’s a fact. Keep in mind that there was someone out there that thought these questions and answers provided value to deciding on whether to date a stranger and a pool of other people agreed.
DO I BELONG HERE GUYS?
So now that I’ve highlighted my judgment of others, it’s time for Let’s, Judge, 30withCats! (Isn’t that kind of what this blog is all about?)
Do you think someone’s imperfections make them more attractive? Yes.
Regardless of your actual age, do you consider yourself to be an adult? Only some of the time.
Would you and your ideal match eventually feel comfortable farting around each other? Yes.
So I really don’t think I’m that weird based on my answers to those questions. Right? RIGHT!?!?!
Sigh. What can I say? I like other odd people and I don’t like adulting all the time. I also just love farting. My friend asked me how things were going with Him #2 recently and I responded: “I farted in front of him today.” She wrote back: “You’re in!!”
So now I ask you, what is the one question you’d want to ask strangers online before you would date them?