I know, it’s been a while. Too much has been going on in my real life that isn’t blog worthy, so I took a hiatus. But, here I am.
Anyways, travels with Boyfriend went quite well. They upgraded us to a beautiful suite. I convinced him to take a picture with me and the [somewhat creepy] Easter bunny. He then allowed me to post it on Facebook. And we mainly chillaxed.
It’s me.
I know it’s been awhile–fell down the stairs at home (don’t worry just bruised body and ego), been traveling for work, and spending time with Boyfriend. I met with a new licensed medical provider late last week (thanks to the kind people who reached out with recommendations and support–you are the bestest and never forget it). I like her better already. She’s going to chat with the old one and we’re meeting again Friday. I have a fear that she will turn on me, but I think (hope?) that’s irrational paranoia.
Anywho, things with Boyfriend are good and I’m quite happy. We’re going away this weekend together on our first trip. Perhaps it will provide interesting blog fodder, but to be honest, I sorta hope it doesn’t (sorry). In the meantime, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what I want from a man and a relationship and I’ve had some inspiration from the Internet.
First, off there is this couple:
Sorry for the hiatus–been busy with life. I also met some alpacas.
It may come as a complete and utter surprise since I seem so put together and rational that I regularly attend therapy, but I do. I go as part of treatment for chronic depression, but it’s helpful even when I’m feeling fine.
Anyways, I mentioned to her that I still miss Him #1. She made the observation that I don’t miss Him #1 per se, but rather, I miss the feelings that he caused–like he opened the flood gates of excitement and attraction and I’m sad the well dried up. (I don’t think I got that metaphor quite right, so sue me.) She noted that those feelings will happen again and it just takes time. You know what? She’s right. I mean I knew she was right, but it helps to have words for semi-conscious thoughts. Is this what it truly means when “it’s not you, it’s me”?
As a side note, I’m fairly open about my mental health issues because I’m not ashamed that I suffer from a very real medical condition. Here is my favorite TedTalk on the subject:
UPDATE: I found a video on Buzzfeed that perfectly demonstrates how I feel about this situation.
So as I move forward in the search for Man TBD, I’ve taken a detour and I’ve gone on some decent first dates. Two of the gentlemen won’t be on the dance card anymore–one with a text break-it-off (I was recipient, but feeling was mutual so it was perfect!) and one with a technical ghosting from the guy (though I saw it coming and wasn’t invested so I don’t quite care). None of the dates have resulted in particularly interesting blog stories and the two that have remained on the roster are quite frankly so nice I can’t imagine I’d have the heart to put them on here. I guess unless one becomes the next former Man TBD and I’m wallowing.