It’s me.

I know it’s been awhile–fell down the stairs at home (don’t worry just bruised body and ego), been traveling for work, and spending time with Boyfriend.  I met with a new licensed medical provider late last week (thanks to the kind people who reached out with recommendations and support–you are the bestest and never forget it).  I like her better already.  She’s going to chat with the old one and we’re meeting again Friday.  I have a fear that she will turn on me, but I think (hope?) that’s irrational paranoia.

Anywho,  things with Boyfriend are good and I’m quite happy.  We’re going away this weekend together on our first trip.  Perhaps it will provide interesting blog fodder, but to be honest, I sorta hope it doesn’t (sorry).  In the meantime, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what I want from a man and a relationship and I’ve had some inspiration from the Internet.

First, off there is this couple:

According to the site I found this on, they haven’t been identified, but the combination of snuggling on a cozy chair together while taking in the sights is magical.  The motorized papasan chair also captures a lazy spirit that I truly admire.  Well played.

Boyfriend Ranking:   I’m not sure Boyfriend would go for this and neither of us has the skillz to pull it off…. Or perhaps the swagger…..  But I do think that it is important to have fun and let your hair down (generally and in a relationship) and Boyfriend and I do have that.

Then, there is the obvi choice of a cat man:

Need I say more?  No.  But Moar cat men pictures you say?  Well ok!

Boyfriend Ranking:  Boyfriend is not a huge cat person historically, but he has come to really love my furbabies–the friendly one in particular (who I believe has learned that the more friendly she is, the more food she gets…).  He frequently asks how they are and requests pictures of their adventures (I.e. Sleeping, eating, begging for food, etc.).

Next, I’ve said it before to friends that the hardest part about being single is that you don’t have a built-in travel companion.  Or another bag to sneak your overflow items into…..

Source: Reasons to love the Brits

Boyfriend Ranking:  I suppose this one is TBD since I could hate traveling with him, but he does express an interest in a reasonable and practical amount of travel.  He doesn’t expect to go away every weekend, but does enjoy taking vacation time and going on occasional adventures.  We’re on the same page and we’re testing out our travel styles this weekend.

Finally, given my history of mental health issues, it’s important for me to feel like I have open communication and support from my companion.  I am also quite open about my struggles with depression because I don’t believe in stigma.  I also need someone to be a bit understanding–I can be moody and obnoxious, but when I realize it, I apologize. I definitely have friends that I know I can go to (and a licensed medical provider), but I need a compassionate partner who will support and tolerate me at my worst.

Boyfriend Ranking:  Boyfriend has been great on this front.  He has his own history with mental health struggles so he is very understanding and supportive.  He is quite forgiving–I snapped at him Sunday night when he was giving advice because it felt like criticism and I was in a crappy mood due to weekend work travel so it wasn’t a good time to bring up an issue.  I apologized and he was fully forgiving and said he realized it wasn’t good timing on his part.  We moved on quite quickly.  He’s also seen me fall to pieces and struggle with some trouble hiccups with the licensed medical provider.  He was fully supportive of my decision to fire her and held me while I cried, telling me that my worst case scenario wouldn’t come true.

Similarly, I have been good to him.  He has a tendency to say “no” to anything new due to a strong stubborn streak that I can relate to.  Although he says no or a lukewarm yes, I get a sense that he might like something if he gives it a shot.  This scenario happened three times on Saturday alone, so I think with Boyfriend no can mean yes and it’s not rape.

First, he told me that he hates sweaters and refuses to wear them.  I dropped it immediately on other shopping trips, but  I think they would look nice on him and he’s always cold.  He can’t wear a fleece and casual sweatshirts at the new job, so I thought it might be wise to purchase a sweater or two.  I promptly found some sweaters and prompted him to try them on. He gave me a look, but put the first one on.  It looked great and he said “I actually like this.”  Oh you do, do you?  Shocking.  He tried the next one on and immediately hated it.  I said well come here, you have to unbutton these buttons at the neck and unzip it so it doesn’t choke you.  I did that and he said “Oh.  I think I do like this.”  Oh yea?  We left the store with three sweaters.  (One was buy one get one free–holla clothing deals!)  Later that night, he came over for dinner, wearing one of the sweaters.  I told him that if we break up, I get the sweater, but he has yet to agree to my reasonable position on that matter.

Next, we had to pick a place for lunch.  He wanted a sandwich and he wanted it somewhat healthy.  I went on the trusty Google and found that a Clover had opened nearby.  I hadn’t been to Clover in years, but the food is fresh, delicious, and mostly (perhaps entirely?) vegetarian so I suggested it.  He looked a bit askance, but agreed to go.  We got sandwiches, he took one bite, and he was hooked.  I could see the love in his eyes and was slightly jealous.  He went back for lunch on Saturday and we met for dinner there last night.  He’s addicted.

Lastly, I made turkey tacos for dinner. He has never had them, but trusted me to make him food that he enjoys since he’s like everything so far even if it’s new to him or doesn’t sounds like it would be good.  He loved them because duhhhhh they are turkey tacos–just like regular ground beef tacos  made with ground turkey.  I also went all out on the fixings because that is my preference, but I don’t always do it just for me.  Win-win.

I also know now what I’m not looking for: a fairy tale romance.  Intense feelings fade quickly and sometimes more on one side than the other.  I feel like they tend to cloud reality and make it easy to believe that despite opposite schedules and living in different states, you definitely can make a new relationship work.  Ahem. Just a made up example.  I’m also too independent to seek a Prince Charming to save me from the modern world.   I want a true partner.

Artist: Kendra Grace Hughes

Boyfriend Ranking: Like the new licensed medical provider said: it’s just been easy with Boyfriend. No, I didn’t get googly eyes when I first met him, but I was attracted to him and thought he was a good guy. We’ve grown to appreciate each other and enjoy each other’s company.  We often split the bill when we go out and I didn’t think too much about it. (Honestly, I make quite a bit more money than he does so why would he pay for me?) Apparently one of his coworkers thought this was weird and asked if I still “paid for him.”  I was confused because I pay for me–sometimes we treat each other, but I do that with all my friends.  Anyways, it brought on a discussion about how we want a real partnership and not one of us being dominant.

The simplest way to put what I want is: easy. (No not in a sexual sense, but hey, why not!) I think the former licensed medical provider would have called this dentire a “fantasy” because there is always conflict in life (and I think this because that was her reaction sometimes to me expressing a desire to find a work culture with less drama). While it’s true there is always conflict in life, it doesn’t have to be dramatic conflict and I don’t have to seek it out. There has been conflict with Boyfriend, but we talk about the issue and we move on–there is a mutual forgiveness and compassion that is leading to open and honest communication that I’m not sure is possible with an intense first attraction. So, former licensed medical provider, I say to you: F*ck off.

I want life to be easy with a companion with similar enough interests so that we can enjoy a life together. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be challenges, but it means I want someone who views a relationship as a partnership. If that is a fantasy, I’ve enjoyed living in a fantasy world the past few months.

Sorry for all the feels and a general lack of hilarious mayhem lately, but luckily it’s because my life has lacked hilarious mayhem!  Next post, I will finally use the information I extracted from friends to write about what single ladies in their late 20s – early 30s really want in a man (Hint:  it’s not all that much IMO).  Then perhaps mayhem from the weekend trip? Only time will tell.