Sorry for the hiatus–been busy with life.  I also met some alpacas.

On to business.  First, I should explain the break-up in the title.  I have been considering breaking up with my licensed medical provider for a while because I never thought she was a great fit and sometimes I thought she just didn’t get me.  I kept going because I thought that conflict was just part of therapy and maybe I would feel better as time progressed.  It’s also hard to sift through the therapists and find one that makes sense!

From time to time, we would get into really annoying (and on my side painful) arguments and I often thought she thought I was lying or exaggerating.   For example, I do understand that it’s hard to believe that a partner put a call on mute and yelled “Stop being such a fucking pussy on this call!” to me, but it happened.  It was humiliating enough without having someone give you an incredulous look and question whether it really happened.  I have a witness and I assure you that it did happen.  (Aside from the facts that you cannot make this stuff up and that I don’t thrive on drama so I wouldn’t want to create such a terrible incident).  The fact that you’re mystified of why I would be so upset by this incident is in and of itself mystifying.  The fact that you don’t seem to believe me is not exactly supportive or really helping with that fun part of depression where you feel like you’re alone and no one understands.

So, I finally pulled the trigger.  I actually found myself coming up with medical jargon for “it’s not you, it’s me.”

30with cats: I just don’t want psychoanlysis style of therapy and think that cognitive behavioral therapy would be better.

Therapist: So you think that a CBT doctor will somehow be  better?…. I can’t really help you with a referral since you are leaving here disassitfied with my services.

Needless to say, she didn’t take it well and pushed back on the request quite strongly.  She asked why I hadn’t told her that I didn’t think we were a good fit in the past… Ummmmm because breaking up is hard to do?

She tried to tell me that she wanted to understand me and that I shouldn’t just cut people off when there is conflict.  So I explained that was a valid point, but that I didn’t feel I had any real relationship with her because I don’t know anything about her so I didn’t see the need to try really hard on this one.  She somehow understood that comment to mean that I didn’t want to know anything about her and the fact that she expressed an opinion recently made me feel uncomfortable.  Um… I mean I know nothing about you as a person and I think that is a unhelpful thing for a relationship.  Is she married?  I think so because she wears a ring.  Does she have kids?  No idea.  Does she have hobbies?  Couldn’t tell you.  I have been seeing her for almost 2 years.

Ultimately, I never really thought it was a great fit so I’m looking forward to trying someone new, but I’m less excited that it will feel like I’m going another first date.  As a side note, if I’m going to go on any real first dates any time soon, I’m definitely checking out this site.

Anywho, things with Boyfriend are going well.  Boyfriend got a new job he reallllllly wants and is extremely excited.  We went for a fancy dinner to celebrate.  Here is a recreated selfie:

He also came to meet my dad’s family and it went well.     He was hungover and nervous, but he said he had a nice time and enjoyed meeting them.  (Notably, no one asked him what attracts him to me.  Though when he went to the bathroom, my stepmom asked “So how tall is he?” A question which he assume everyone asks when he leaves the room.  #6’7″problems)  They were all very nice and polite–not too intrusive and nicely inclusive.  The apple pie recipe that I made Boyfriend for Valentine’s Day is from my mom’s family and I know that my dad loves it.  So part way through lunch, I said to my dad:

Boyfriend is only dating me because I made him apple pie.

Boyfriend said that he was terrified my dad would not understand the dark humor in that statement and would think Boyfriend’s a jerk (which really just highlights that Boyfriend doesn’t know my dad).  Dad responds:

Oh, excellent!  That is a great recipe.  Aside from my first two children, that recipe is the best thing I got from my ex-wife.

This apple doesn’t fall far from the tree folks.  My dad later said he hoped the lunch wasn’t too overwhelming for Boyfriend and it was nice to meet him.  My grandpa said “he is what we call a “keeper” so take care of this young fellow.”

Maybe I will, Grandpa. Maybe I will.